| talk about the most emo day ever.. |
[May. 3rd, 2008|07:21 pm] |
i dont know whats with today but it fucking sucks. im depressesd like mad and everything is going wrong. ugh. i stepped on a high heel shoe (dont remember if i posted this already or not) but it went into my foot and it hurts like hell. then i had to walk on the damn thing all day for my ministry assignment. i wish i could get wasted today. its the first time i've felt like this in a long time. but instead im going to try to go to sleep. cause i dont have any money or anybody to get me anything. |
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| today is just melancholy |
[May. 3rd, 2008|10:13 am] |
so last night i ate alot and it made me very sad. i just feel miserable when i cant do the smallest thing. i have no self control. i wish i had self control. this morning i woke up late and its been a mess since then. im going to wash my hair at somepoint. i have to work this afternoon. ugh.
that whole section was so random.
i cut my foot open on a friends high heel that she had laying out. it hurts alot.
i finished my post secret post card. i hope to one day see it up. im going to mail it on monday.
so my whole goal in life right now is to lose weight and date someone. and i want him or her to be the right person. because my sister is going to call me to tell me her wedding is off. she doesnt know i know yet. it was supposed to be in three weeks. i hate it that she is unhappy. and he is unhappy. they would be happy but his family wont let them. hopefully his family will get their heads out of their asses and leave them alone to be happy.
i am so frustrated with life right now. i am at a bible college learning daily about the bible and i try to find ways to disprove it. what is my point in being here? i know what i believe and yet i am activily working against it. how messed up is that? i am messed up. ugh. i just want to be happy. but sometimes i feel that being happy is just futile. (im secretly afraid im going to wake up in hell. and it scares me to death. i envy people who dont believe. they dont have to be afraid)
but yeah. off i go today. try to stay focused on my diet plan. try to smile. and all that jazzzz.... |
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| Writer's Block: Personality Trait = Trouble |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|06:12 am] |
My 'I need to be myself and screw you if you dont like it' pride I think. I dont know if you would call it a personality trait or what. But it gets me in trouble.
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| Writer's Block: Life Changing Experiences |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|04:59 pm] |
1) I was born. Thats self explanitory.
2) I quit smoking. I can now run and walk without dying for breath.
3) I finally decided on a career path. Now i have a purpose.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|06:35 am] |
i wish that when i woke up, my hair was already done. but alas that is never gonna happen. the coffee was already made when i got up and i have to say i was very pleased. *takes sip* i didnt make it and it still tastes good.
im just waiting for my roommate to turn on the light....oh speak of the devil she just announced that she was doing it...and now the light is on. that kills the mood of my whole morning.
i have alot of stuff to write but i have to get ready for class. so you'll just have to wait. |
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| LIFE |
[Apr. 26th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my house... | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Suddenly...SuperChik | ] |
so, bridal shower went well. except the bride knew so it wasnt a surprise.
so i was supposed to be moving in with my two friends Tia and Cat and without any question Cat invited Kayla to live with us. Tia said okay then told me that. ...NO...that isnt how it works. I cannot live with Kayla. It was originally Tia and I. Then Tia invited Cat. No problem I can live with Cat. But she never asked me how I felt about it. Then She let Cat invite Kayla with no questions asked. And when I voiced my opinion of it about not being asked since I was the first person in on it she got snotty with me and said that I needed to talk to Kayla about it! This is the first time I have ever been pissed at Tia. I just dont understand and I dont know what to do. Kayla and I were friends in high school but I cant live with her. We differ on important views and it would end the friendship we had terribly.
I dont know what to do.... |
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| tadaima!!! |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|11:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my house!!! yay!!! | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ikenai Taiyou - O.Range | ] |
so while driving home my six hours today i got tired and took a nap at a rest stop. it must have looked funny. but it was safer for the other drivers. and the borrowed car i was using.
my little sister was acting like a fruitloop because i came home and she is trying to hard to impress me and she is just making people mad instead...oddly enough i find it kinda funny.
i just got done making the games for the bridal shower tomorrow. a bunch of people i hate will be there. but its okay. its danielles party and she can invite retards to her wedding if she wants. ill be the good sister/wedding planner that she wants me to be.
k so i need to sleep now. |
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| 6:38 am is best served with coffee... |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|06:32 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my for once in its life clean desk | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Michael Buble -- "Feeling Good"...im sure you are Michael, im sure you are. | ] |
so sarah is letting me borrow her car today to drive home. yay! i cant wait to suprise my sister.
i cant think of anyways to make money for next year.
and i cant stop eatting.
ugh.
progression from good to bad. thus is life.
although i am drinking my morning cup of coffee and cramps aside i feel wonderful. i love it when i get up on time and its nice and quiet because all my roommates are sleeping. one is awake and she will ruin my good mood if she turns on the light. grrrr. but Michael Buble is singing to me via ipod and i would def. kidnap him and have my dirty way with him if given the oppourtunity. his voice is so....jalfdjlksjaglkjgdslg. no word to describe.
six hours of driving ahead of me this afternon. what a wonderful time to dictate a story into my voice recorder thing. ... i wonder what thats called.
my roommate is supposed to dress up for what she wants to be today. she is going as a pregnant lady because she wants to be a mom. haha. she looks ridiculous.
i should make more coffee. |
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| Writer's Block: I'm So Excited |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|06:20 am] |
That I am making my own choices in life and not letting anything or anyone dictate that other than myself. That life for me is still an open door that I am running through with a smile on my face. The most exciting thing however is that I am happy. |
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| Writer's Block: Define Cheater |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|06:21 am] |
if your lover, spouse, significant other isnt present or hasnt said you can dont think about it. <3 |
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| Oh Canada.... |
[Apr. 22nd, 2008|06:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my desk once again | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | you are the one.... | ] |
so, everything that could happen on a trip happened. first off, we left an hour late. no big. while waiting to get through customs at the border my car stalled out, so for approx. a mile or so we pushed the car into canada. yes, pushed it. embarassing and hillarious all in one. once across the border we tried it again and tada! it worked. so we drove to anna's house in quebec and ate amazing lasgana played piano, drank coffee, and went to bed. saturday we went to quebec city and had a tour of the "le chateau frontenac" where i met a family from greece who was on the same tour as myself. (so i instantly thought of my new friend katiedistance who lives in greece as well =] ) in my personal group we represented 4 of the 5 continents i believe. we had one from canada, new zealand, mexico, america, and japan. leaving quebec city we got lost 45 minutes out of the way, turned around and drove the now two hours and 45 min drive back. 5 minutes before arriving at anna's house we get pulled over by the canadian police. wonderful. so im like "guys be quiet, ill handle this." the cops only spoke french so anna handled it instead. they said that they were pulling us over just for a routine check and then tried to give anna a ticket for not wearing a belt. she had one on and when the cop realized this he turned red in the face and appologized and left. we made a video of it and when it gets up on facebook i will tag the page. cause its funny. sunday we went to anna's church, all in french. so the five of us that could not speak french found it hard to stay awake. afterwards we went and had a traditional quebecer meal which was very similar to an american breakfast then we went back to the house to watch 'enchanted.' cute movie. monday we went to the mall where i bought the CUTEST coffee mug sets. (which i am currently drinking from) SO HAPPY!!!!! and then we headed back to school. not even two minutes away from the american border....the car FREAKING BREAKS DOWN!!! im livid so we sat and let it cool down, ate our sandwhichs and then the car started. so we get back into new york and ten minutes away from the border the stupid thing breaks down for good. im about to call AAA when a cop pulls up. im thinking 'great, a cop in america as well. at least he can speak english.' he gets out of the car and he is laughing. and im like "What?" and he goes "So you kids werent trying to save gas on friday, were you?" and we are all like "You saw us?!" and he was like "My wife and I were in the red car next to you guys on friday on the way to see my cousin." so we all had a good laugh and the cop called the mechanic. the mechanic took the car and said he'd call when he figured something out and the cop took us to the mall. yes, i road in a 5 seater cop car with 7 people. getting out at the mall people were like 'that is weird' we just laughed thanked the cop and he gave me his cell number just incase. so we sat at the mall. already long story short the jackass machanic never worked on my car so the dean of men and one of the dc's from school came and picked us up. all in all fun weekend. BUT NOW I HAVE NO CAR!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|02:00 pm] |
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oh CANADA!!!! here i freaking come!!!! |
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| so today |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|08:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room, where else would i be? | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nerdy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "well the organic vegan girl on girl sex tour has been postponed"...KELLY!! | ] |
i didnt pay attention at all in class yesterday and got a better grade then my roomates who did and they all studied as well. life rocks when you are an educated guesser. :) and i didnt pay attention today either. i wrote a fight between two new lovers i created during my first class. if i ever become a real writer i might pursue that story line. speaking of which...im working on something right now. tell me how this exert sounds...
He found it increasingly hard to pull his eyes away from Aaron’s lips as he spoke. No sound was coming from them that he could hear, and a twisting knot formed in a deep place of his stomach. His entire self suddenly felt dirty as the thought passed through his mind, ‘I wonder how soft they are?’ “Danny?” Aaron’s voice broke through his thoughts. Finding no words he replied with a questioning, “Hm?” “I asked if you were listening to me, which apparently you weren’t. We are going over to Nico and Jenna’s tonight to play board games and kick back, okay?” “Yeah.” Daniel replied softly, almost as if it were to himself. “Are you alright?” Daniel looked up to have Aaron’s concerned blue eyes meet his, and he felt a blush rise across his cheeks. “I’m fine.” “You look flushed, are you sure? You aren’t getting sick are you?” The hand that reached down and brushed his cheek made him pull his face back.
so yeah thats how it sounds so far...great my text is all screwed up. stupid computer deleted my gravitation story somehow...damnit...
so tomorrow i go to CANADA!!! i am so excited!!!! seriously. |
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| back to normal...somewhat |
[Apr. 16th, 2008|06:16 am] |
yesterday i totally had a trip of crazy but i feel better about life now. what i dont feel better about is my medicine fixing one aliment only to cause another. side affects can kiss my ass. anyway.
i have a test today i didnt study for. ugh, i hate procrastinating. its like masturbating, you're only screwing yourself in the end. (Ha! fav quote ever.) i've come to terms with not caring about this to much. if i care about it to much ill give myself a headache. and i dont want one of those.
so yeah, i wish i new more people like myself. im stuck in this prudish bubble so im not worrying to much about it right now. there i go, not worrying again. heeeeh.... |
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| i think.... |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|08:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | THE ROOF | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Otsuka Ai | ] |
i finally have a plan...go home. Find an apartment and job, start working until january. Then start school in January, go for being an LPN. Then once i get a job take a creative writing night class....YAY...now if this will only work... |
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| love of life vs. reality SUCKS |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|07:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my bed | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | daybreaks bell...L'Arc en Ciel | ] |
so i was looking at a friends college and it sounds great, but i dont know what i want to go for! nursing would be a solid job that i could have and enjoy and would always be around. but i want to write!!! i want to write scripts for manga or tv shows. its the only thing ive ever been good at...ugh...speaking of which Yuichi and Wataru are calling my name. ill debate life later... |
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